If a divorce application is on the grounds of impotence...let's say male impotence, the courts in some parts like India agree for annulment if the case is proven. Fair enough. But this is only a consensual test. If the guy doesnt agree for a test, the woman has to prove that 'the marriage was not consummated', best way - prove that she is a virgin...what the fuck!! What if the situation was reversed for a case of female impotence? How would they prove that? And is sex all about breaking the hymen anyway? One woman in response argues that if she was never satisfied (read never orgasmed), she had the right to seek a divorce by calling it impotence. Now that is a completely new area of research to prove! :-) Anyway, probably its all sensationalised as I got this particular case from google searches and probably the laws arent that bad after all...let's hope!
The point is not about being a feminist and raise the sensationalism. Just a case of figuring out how they document something like this in a judicial system. And a healthy expression of female sexuality.
It takes a huge toll on a woman to actually accept first to themselves and to their families or friends that they might have needs which are not satisfied. The conditioning is sometimes so strong that acceptance to oneself of having needs feels taboo.
Then comes the expressions and the responses. Of course when the woman is feeble in her attempts to mention her situation, embarrassed as she maybe, any advice is not really forthcoming so strongly. This only happens when push comes to shove even from caring relatives or friends. Until then everyone lives in denial since it is too awkward to talk about.
(There is of course the male expression in a reversed situation...but most often than not society has granted him this unquestioned license to fuck around...the more the merrier! So whether he expresses it or not, he has the blinding sympathy of the world and he can dump his frigid wife when he wishes... and she will anyway happily turn a blind loving eye to his pantless pursuits and do everything in her power to 'keep' him....and if he dosent dump her he is the ultimate hero of sacrifice, godliness, magnanimity and one should worship the path he treads on while he fucks around. So we wont even go there). Continuing....
A lot of times the said/unsaid question is "Does he drink and beat you up?" "If no and he cares about you, why dont you weigh the pros and cons and manage it?". - Well...how lucky for her! If she could, she wouldnt have bothered talking about it after so long would she?
"How did you not know about this earlier? Wasnt it a love marriage?" - Yes it was, and she was 'moral' enough not to 'give' herself before she married him. She grew up that way fyi and didnt know she could think otherwise.
"Why did you not walk out right at the beginning? Why wait for so many years?" - Well then wouldnt you have asked her to have patience and not fret about a silly thing like this? Or so she thought...maybe you didnt tell her it was her right. But she was only trying in earnest to make things happen and work...in whatever ways she could and that took all that time.
Then there are those bizzare, tangential solutions:
"Why dont you try an artificial remedy for reproduction?" - yeah right the goal of a woman's marriage and sole existence is to reproduce and reproduce in the respectable way, dont you worry about the costs and what it will do to her body...the mind is already fucked up anyway!
"Maybe you can think of alternate means of satisfying yourself sexually - masturbation, alternate sexual partners maybe"....Masturbation? are you kidding me? She is dumb, but not that dumb....how do you think she remained sane for so long? Alternate sexual partners? Hey! wait how does that work now? You buy them someplace, find them on dating sites or bars or flirt with random strangers and get serviced? And then what...allow more mind fuckers to take pity on her and to invade her pussy and her mind and soul... all in the name of guess what - sanctity of marriage!
She then asks herself .. "Which part of sex education did I miss I wonder! Nope..none! I remember the diagrams of the reproductive organs in graphic detail on the biology chart....the blood flows into the penis and it gets hard and when inserted into the vagina releases sperm from the testes and fertilisation may take place depending on..blah blah...I remember that lecture about unwanted pregnancy and HIV and how you always need to use protection. I even remember secretly reading the Kama Sutra and the various positions described like a detached surgical procedure. What about those larger than life Mills & Boons with their soft porn where everything is so bloody fuckingly happily ever after! And the trailers of hard core porn on the internet mostly made for men in heat. And all the material available everywhere.....yep I seem to know it all, pretty much!
Maybe...just maybe, I missed some parts - The one which tells you how exactly a man is turned on by a woman, and vice-versa, the little and the big signs? The beauty and the naughtiness of it all? Recognising that 'that' is when the lovemaking begins....
That sex is not just fucking always for everyone and for most people it is not a surgical procedure, but a deeply emotional one to be experienced with the person you have that connection with and 'that' is what makes a relationship of this nature complete? It's called 'love'making...alternate partners my foot!
That you need to make a couple of compatibility mistakes(not foolish ones) early in life when you can afford to and figure out some practicals to add to the overload of theoritical knowledge... in a premarital-sex-taboo culture too.
That you can know all about every precaution and scientific data and be the smartest person around, and still be foolish enough to get carried away, making you vulnerable like you never imagined possible and bear the horrible consequences of it all, scarring you for life...all in the name of maintaining the equilibrium and balance.
That you can have your trust broken time and again and faith reduced to a negative and be mind fucked...just by the act of trying to manage the wants and the needs 'respectably'....
And a lot more to be learnt...."
All she wanted really...was to be 'wanted' in that complete way...huh! never works...too sweet and esoteric...mills and boony! "Only I can want the best for myself in that complete way"....for the rest..... Just Fuck them!
