Monogamy

The definition is simple....one partner at a time. But its not just about sex, its about everything else too. Its about wanting to make yourself emotionally, intellectually, sexually and legally available to a partner. The important word here is 'wanting'. If the wanting is divided between individuals who you 'love' a lot, it is not monogamy.

It is not about a perfect relationship, but a complete one. Every man/woman is completely capable of being loyal. And if the partner that you sooo love is not available for you in some way (as the excuses generally go, even for no fault of theirs), and no amount of genuine communication/intervention has solved the issue, only U have the choice of thinking in absolutes on this one. It takes a lot of courage and mental stability to convince yourself that you will be monogamous, no matter what! And when you decide to stay, you decide to stay and eat the daal-chaawal that is available. In the long run, if the constant splurging on kebabs from the restaurant gave you a high cholestrol, dont blame the kebabs, but your choices. Else face the consequence of being the bad person and have the guts to cut it out. Yes! you made someone unhappy for a short time, but you saved yourself and so many people a lifetime of mess by being man/woman enough to make that choice. And if you choose to be monogamous, it is not because there is no one else to fuck you, but because you choose it despite all the choices available, for reasons only apparent to you.

Most of the straying starts with the sexual (obviously!) and when you do that, you not only disrespect yourself, your spouse but also the 3rd person/people you are bringing into the equation. Sounds very uptight in an otherwise grey world, but that's the way it is. Behind all the carnal pleasures, the mess created is marred by the temporary orgasms. And that often leads to the emotional straying as well. That gets dangerous as the lines get dull and there is really no way you can compartmentalise emotions. And then in the fast paced world of hectic work and other social obligations, you do not even have the bandwidth to analyse what's creating that huge void in your life. Is it the constant lying to be discreet, is it the emotional need added to the strong physical intimacy that you share with the sexual partner, is it the lack thereof with the 'social' partner? You cant ignore the quicksand of questions for very long. They will keep coming back to you to eat you alive, and at a point in life there will be no one left to respect you enough to answer them for you or help you deal with it.

We do make mistakes and work on course correction. We learn about ourselves through our mistakes. But we dont revel in them....like reveling in a life surrounded by shit and crap. We dont repeat them. We dont find excuses for them, however strong. We admit them, face the consequences and move on, but remember the lessons we learnt.